I’m approaching my 40th birthday this week. I will be officially middle-aged. It was debatable whether I was middle-aged when I was 37 (which I’ve been for the last three years) but once I hit the 40, there’s no going back. Are you turning middle-aged? Take this test to find out.
1. You opt for the Alaskan cruise instead of the Caribbean cruise.
You do not need you husband to see a bunch of beautiful women in bikinis. On the Alaskan cruise, you have a shot at being one of the hotter women on the ship (excluding the crew) even if you did eat the lobster, filet mignon, and baked Alaska pie the night before. You’d much rather be stuffed on a tour bus and see glaciers, which thankfully are old than you are, than swim with sting rays. You also like that almost everybody on the ship, including your husband, has gone to bed by 10:30 which now makes you a party animal. You don’t know what to do with yourself so you push buttons in the elevator for a half an hour until you’re bored and decide to go to bed.
2. You buy expensive skin care products but you forget to put them on.
Sorry dear, but Mac and NuSkin do you no good if they are put away in your drawer. The problem is you don’t remember which drawer you put them in. Your wrinkles are duking it out with your creeping dementia and unfortunately, your dementia is winning.
3. You read teen fiction because it makes you feel young again.
You like that these YA heroines have so much physical energy and can climb trees, jump over walls, run like the wind. You opt to read about these feats of strength instead of actually doing them yourself. You envy the heroine just a little because everyone appreciates that she just saved the world when no one appreciates that you just cleaned your kitchen. You don’t understand how so many boys are in love with her when she’s so mouthy. But then, that’s why it’s fiction.
4. You are offended by a lot of teen fiction because parents get no respect.
You can’t believe how much these heroines talk back to their parents. You wonder why the heroine is so utterly awesome and the parents are total losers. You wish she wouldn’t use bad language, get tattoos, sneak into boys’ bedrooms, and storm off on her parents when they’re giving her a first class lecture. You wish she helped clean up around the house a little more.
You’re also upset that the parents have to be killed off or at least gotten out of the way so that the heroine/hero can actually grow up into a fine human being. What?!!
5. If you do venture out into something athletic you need to bring a lot of extra equipment.
Did you remember to bring your knee pads? Your back strap? Your neck brace? If you didn’t, you better bow out of this basketball game. Even if you did remember to bring it all, you might still consider your medical deductible and the deductibles of those around you. After all you’re barely on board with this game as it is, and the last thing you want to do at the end of the night is fork over a thousand dollars for a broken leg. With that kind of money, you could buy you two snow blowers, which would not only save you lots of shoveling time, but also reduce your lower back pain.
You are only half way through the test so come back tomorrow to finish the test and see how you scored.