I figured out this new system that was going to keep me organized and change my life, You may have wondered why I would start such a system when we are in the middle of selling our house.
I don’t know, but it’s the third day, and I’m still going. After overdoing it on the first day, I decided that I’d only clean the kitchen the next today, but then two people wanted to see the house so I got to clean the whole house anyway. I’m getting very good at showing this house. I should be a realtor. Except that I would hate it.
Anyway, now it’s the third day, and I’m still trying to hold on to my system. Shopping. Cutting up and roasting veggies. Why am I so determined? Maybe it’s because I’m still trying to retain some control of things. Maybe it’s because I’m still in denial and hoping that maybe we won’t need to move after all. We even put a hold on things, but when you have three people wanting to make offers on your home, you can only put them off for so long.
This whole living day by day, not knowing what is going to happen next is getting old. A friend of mine once spoke up in church and said, “I’m learning more and more I have no control over things.” Or maybe you’ve heard the joke, “Want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans.”
I don’t think the joke is funny. It seems to say, “Why even bother because you’re not going to get what you want anyway.” It’s a fatalist way to look at things.
I think that God wants us to be proactive. He wants us to learn and to study and to research and to act. As a stay-at-home, I’ve been doing that all my life. No other job requires such proactivity as motherhood. We don’t work under deadlines. Nobody is holding us accountable, giving us promotions, or even patting us on the back. We decide what food will be on the table, how much money will be spent, how the home will be maintained, and where the kids will go to school. We make sure our kids do their chores and maybe even their homework. We notice a child’s innate talent and help her develop it, even if that means sitting at the piano while she does he Hanon every day. We plan the family vacations, the reunions, the birthday parties, the baby showers, and the neighborhood barbecues. We create the community.
So now that the captain and I are selling our house, I should know how to do this. I’m a proactive girl. I can organize and wash the windows and plant flowers and get the handyman here. I can look for new houses and drive through new areas and figure out which schools have dual immersion programs and which parks have tennis courts and how many twelve year olds are in the neighborhood.
Then tell me please. Why do I feel so lost?
Maybe it’s time to let go of the reins. Maybe it’s time to give God a turn running our wagon. I’m going to let go, any minute now–
How have you learned to let go of things?