Shopping with Boys

On New Years Day, we went to the Dillard’s sale with the rest of Utah County. I took my husband and two of our boys, and when we got there at 10:45, the parking lot was packed. We went straight to the men’s shoe section to find that the locusts had already taken them. Ben asked if we could leave now.


The captain struck out on his own, and I went to find a pair of  30″ W 34″ L pants. That’s what size Ben is, and apparently there weren’t any pants of that size in the store.  We looked for a few shirts, and when we finally found some things that didn’t elicit a strong reaction from him, I told him to go into the dressing room to try them on.

“What?!!  You want me to try these on?”  he asked incredulously.

“That’s the idea,” I said.

“I’m not, no matter what, I’m not trying these on.”

“Well can you just try on a couple shirts just to be sure?”

“Fine,” he said as he walked into the dressing room because of course he was doing me the favor.

The captain was gone a long time, but he finally came back.  “I found these pants,” he said.

“But I thought you were a 32″ length.”

“Oh,” he said.  I handed him some 32″ length pants, and he held them up to his waist and protested.  “But look how long they are on me.”

“Honey, can you try them on please?”

“You want me to try them on?”  he asked.  Hadn’t I just had this conversation?

“Yes, honey.  Go find a dressing room.”

Ben liked a few of the shirts, but only if they were dark blue or grey because heaven help the boy if people actually noticed him. Davy, on the other hand, was disappointed that they didn’t have any brightly colored shirts in his size.

We decided Davy might have better luck in the boys’ section, and as soon as we got there he said, “Cool!  Pink and purple shirts!”  but none of them were the right size either.  Turns out he is both too small and too large for Dillard’s.  He was somewhat satisfied by a fluorescent green shirt we found, and then we went back to Ben who was lying dead in the hall of the dressing room.

I was sure I had killed him, but I made him try on some Levi’s anyway.

“I am NOT trying on any jeans,” he said as I handed them to him and pushed him back into the dressing room.  He tried on three pairs and was so exhausted by the end that he offered no resistance when I asked if I could buy him a pink shirt. The lines were way long, and the boys were super hungry and grouchy and iPhones had to be lent out on the way home to buy their silence.

The whole day had been shot, they told me (three hours to be precise, which is incidentally the same time they can play the Xbox and tell me they just barely started).

The captain was a pretty good sport about it all, but I could tell he had reached his limit too.  All the kids and cousins were going sledding that afternoon.  I had planned on having a quiet afternoon at home while the captain took them, but it was clear that that was not going to happen.  He needed some caveman time in his garage to recuperate so yeah!  I got to take the kids sledding!  I can’t wait until Dillard’s sale next year.

Question:  Are pink shirts okay for guys.  I LOVE them, but some cavemen I know had a few concerns . . .




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