Tired of guys that never tell you what they’re really thinking? Well I got it out of them. I interviewed fifteen singles guys, and they really opened up for me. Their answers were hilarious, insightful and sweet! And yeah, that’s me twenty years ago. When I was single.
1. We are really nervous when we ask you out.
Stephen said how nervous he feels when he asks a girl out, especially if he doesn’t know the girl very well yet. He also worries that the girl won’t like the activity he chooses to do. “Sometimes we have a hard time coming up with ideas. If they have a suggestion (for what to do on the date), they should offer it.”
Jeffrey says that he really appreciates it when a girl realizes how big a deal it is for a guy to ask her on a date. “He doesn’t know the girl that well, he’s got to plan everything, spend money— guys hate to spend money. A lot of things innately guys wouldn’t usually do—look nice, use deodorant . . . it’s a big deal.”
Jeffrey really appreciates it when a girl expresses gratitude, saying something like, “That was so nice of you.” One girl even wrote him a thank you note after he took her on a date, and he loved that thoughtful gesture. He wishes girls understood that dates can be expensive, and that while they want to date, they are also feeling the pressure of trying to make and save money so can they be good providers for their future families.
2. We don’t want you to read too much into a first date.
Several young men expressed concern that women read too much into a first date. Michael explained, “If I go on a date, even if I go on a second date, I’m interested in finding out more about you. It doesn’t mean I’m ready to commit. I’ll be clear about when I’m ready.”
Lee said that he feels frustrated when girls freak out or get defensive when they’re asked out. “If a guy asks a girl out, he just wants to get to know her.”
Edgar also shared this frustration. “They act different on dates,” he said. “They’re thinking, ‘Oh, this guy invited me because he’s testing me more or he’s trying me out.’ They act more formal. That mentality changes the whole date and creates awkward moments.”
3. We are afraid of your friends.
Josiah says how hard it is to approach girls who are clumped together. He explains, “When they’re all crowded, it makes it hard to single one out—to ask [somebody] out while friends are watching.”
Reed also felt that the friend factor could be quite a hinderance. “If they go to church, their friends are joined at the hip.” Reed adds that girls don’t seem as nice when they stick so close to their friends. He currently attends a church where there is a group of attractive girls that are very tight with each other. “Nobody can penetrate the circle,” he says.
He also warned that if you have a couple of friends that are unfriendly, “people will project that feeling and image on to you.” In other words, even if you are a really nice person, a couple of cold friends can make guys think that you are unfriendly too.
Another problem he sees is that girls often like to complain about guys with each other. He’s known girls who are always airing their grievances with each other, complaining how hard dating is, and trashing the guys. Because he was just considered just a friend, he was privy to some of these conversations, but it doesn’t mean he liked it. He felt that these friends just reinforced all of their negativity instead of trying to see things in a more positive light. They become each other’s advocates and are quick to vindicate each other. He adds that a parent might question their daughter if she’s had a bad date, asking something like, “Well, were you nice to him?” But a girl’s friends will often just make her feel like it was all the guy’s fault. Reed sums it all up: “You live and die by your friends”
4. We like it when you smile.
Stephen explains. “If they don’t smile, it’s hard to judge how your relationship is. If I’m smiling and you’re smiling back, that’s like a green light that I can ask you out.”
Josiah adds, “If they’re open, they’re talking, they’re smiling, that makes it easier.”
5. Holding hands and kissing imply commitment.
Michael explained that he doesn’t take holding hands or kissing lightly. He doesn’t appreciate when girls are physical with him if they are not seriously interested. He even had a girlfriend whom he almost broke up with because he learned that she used to make out with a guy friend that she wasn’t dating. She didn’t think it was a big deal to be engaged in casual kissing, but it really bothered Michael.
6. We are attracted to women with goals.
Michael also thinks that girls don’t realize how important some things are to guys such as their interest in education. He like girls with “some kind of passion they are pursuing. Those are things that make a girl interesting.”
Jeffrey adds that guys likes girls that are independent and who have life goals. “I ran into a girl [and] her plan was to find the right guy.” Because that was all she seemed to be seeking, he wasn’t impressed. The girl he’s dating now is independent and he likes that she’s “wanting to go places” and “has an idea of what she wants to do with her life.”
Kyle also felt strong about this. He says it’s an issue that guys talk about all the time, but they don’t dare bring it up with the girls they date. “When a girl actually cares about the gospel, it’s very attractive.” He loves women that are driven and passionate. He listens carefully when girls talk about their goals because while he plans on being the main breadwinner, he wants to know that his wife could take care of the children if something happened to him. He wants the relationship to be an equal one. “I want to be the best person I can be for her” and he wants her to be striving too. “When a girl cares about the gospel, cares about herself, and cares about others, it’s just so attractive.”
6. We may be feel a little awkward on our first date.
Lee says, “Don’t be too critical on the first date. We might be not talking enough or talking too much because we’re nervous.” He thinks that girls often are quick to find reasons not to go out with a guy instead of giving the guy a chance.
Eric also acknowledges how hard a first date can be. “I wish they knew that sometimes we’re a little awkward and nervous. That’s not necessarily a reflection of who we are.”
Francisco also asks girls to give guys a chance. “Don’t make conclusions about the guy right off from the first date. Get to know him a bit.”
7. Once we’ve asked you out, the ball is in your court.
Lee explains, “Even if a guy asks a girl out, the girl needs to put an effort to keep a conversation going and showing interest in a guy. Otherwise he won’t ask her out again. The guy already has an uphill battle. There’s a lot of pressure. He’s got to entertain her, have a good time. It’s easier if [the girl] is trying to making it a success as well.”
Alexander also appreciates support when he takes a girl out. “Respond more. Don’t make him do all the work. React positively. Don’t act bored.”
Francisco said he just had a great first date. He loved that the girl was friendly with him and asked him questions. “She was proactive. It was 50-50. It was not just one side.” He was really happy when she was honest at the end of the date and said, “Yeah, you’re awesome, I like you. Let’s go out again.”
I have seven more things the guys shared with me for you tomorrow! Share if you care!
K single guys! What do you wish we knew about you? And women, what do you still not understand about guys?